Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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