my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize