At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize