Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
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At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
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The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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