The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
