first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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