i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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