You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
