Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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