My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
