Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
