apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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