omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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