sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
