I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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