oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
