Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
