I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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