the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
