at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
