Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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