YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
