If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
