she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
