No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube