That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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