what day is it and did you see me today?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
