Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
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