with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
