apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
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I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
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I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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