Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
