I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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