Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
