ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
