this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
