go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
