I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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