My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
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