If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
