my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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