Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
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I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
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because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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