no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
