You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize