The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
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Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
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I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize