What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
