i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
