Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
