whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
