he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
