i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
