shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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