I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
