how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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