Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
