is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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