are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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