I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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