my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
