Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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