I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
