that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize