I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
