I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
