Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
