yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
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god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
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Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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