Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
