I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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