i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex on a roof
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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