But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
